Emmett Makes A Scene
by JanJiz
Summary: This is in response to 'the indifferent child of earth's Fic "51 Things Emmett Cullen Is Not Allowed To Do 2" This story can also be Titled as the remake and continuance of 'Everyone Blames Emmett'
1. Txt Message Break Up

**This is in response to a fanfic that I read. It's called "51 Things Emmett Cullen Is Not Allowed To Do 2" and it's by the user **the indifferent child of earth** She's hilarious! Go read her stuff. ^.^**

_**/s/3627291/1/51_Things_Emmett_Cullen_Is_Not_Allowed_To_Do_2**_

**this is the number I got the idea **

32. Start yelling the lyrics of Kelly's Txt Message Break Up at Edward randomly, while pretending like Edward really broke up with him and it's not a song.

**Enjoy!**

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The bell rings.

Bella and Edward step out of class when they see Emmett walk towards them with his cell phone in his hand.

"Edward....!" Emmett screams attracting the attention of the students in the hall.

"...what?" Edward grimaced.

"_You couldn't do it in person_

_You had to text message break up_?"

Edward stands in confusion staring at Emmett while his hand at Bella waist.

Bella stifles a giggle with her hand. Edward looks down at her puzzled. "What the hell..."

Emmett grabs Edwards arm and swings him around to face him again. He continues to make a scene. Now everyone in the hallway stops to stare at attention. Everyone in the classrooms start to poke their heads out the room doors.

"_You fuck up_

_Oh my god I wanna throw up_

_You couldn't even spell break right!_

_B-r-a-k-e?_

_That's in your car dummy_!"

"Emmett what the hell are you talking about..." Edward glares at him, "...and I know what a brake is."

"_I'm not gonna take this disgrace_

_I'll be like mace in you face on myspace_

_just you wait till you read the shit_

_on you I'm gonna blog about_

_You like text so much?_

_How much you like it now_?"

"You have a Myspace..? That's stupid.. Wait.. Emmett, What are you going to put on myspace...?!?" Edward looks at Emmett, he begins to read his mind and sees a scene of Emmett putting up pictures of Edward on myspace in his boxers with a cosmo girl magazine in his hand. Edward beings to panic.

"EMMETT DONT YOU DARE!!"

"_You can't text message break up!_

_after 2 years?_

_I'll Go Alanis Morissette on You_

_I'm gonna blog and text and post and hoax. _

_Podcast your bastard ass from coast to coast_."

Emmett looks at everyone crowding around and says,

"_My ex bf is a cyber space coward._

_and he plays with his asshole in the shower_"

"I DO NOT! EMMETT SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Emmett gives Edward an evil grin and yells, _" I'm gonna tell all my girlfriends how the sex was, I'm pissed like president bush would be in a gay parade in Texas, I'm gonna spit until you shit, if you don't like it you can lick my fucking clit.... For once_."

As Emmett turns to leave..

"_You're never gonna get laid in this town again, you loser!_

_You're an ass._

_Go fuck yourself you piece of shit_!"

Edward is fuming but speechless.

Emmett walks into his next class and yells back "_You're my ex bf foreva, Dick!"_

Edward looks down at Bella who is now rolling around barely breathing in hysterics laughing on the ground.

"Edward... Kelly...Text.. Break up! HAHAHAH... DICK..." Bella manages to get out.

"...it was not _that_ funny Bella" If Edward could blush in embarrassment he would do so now.

Then almost instantly his pained face turns to an evil smirk.

"Hmm... Bella. If anyone asks I went home."

Bella stops laughing to look at Edward walk to his car.

Edward walks away murmuring "maybe.. yes, that's it.. hm.. His tv!" He laughs and speeds off the parking lot in his shinny Volvo.

Bella turns to see Emmett running towards the parking lot to his jeep screaming "NOOOOOOOOoooooOOoOOoOooOOOOOOOOO... I just bought that!!!!!!!"

And races after Edward home.

Bella walks away to her next class still laughing hysterically.

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**Ok so instead of just doing this one.. I've decided I'm going to make as many fics from her 51 Things Emmett Cullen Is Not Allowed To Do part 1 and 2, and from one that is called 51 Things Emmett Cullen Must Remember.**

**Then she also has one up about Aro Volturi. I'm not sure if I'll be able to do any of those though. It's much easier to write for Emmett than Aro. But maybe I'll give it a try someday =)**

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	2. Emmett Sleeps

Again this is off of **51 Things Emmett Cullen Is Not Allowed to Do...Part II** by the indifferent child of earth

**Go read her stuff. ^.^**_**  
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_**/s/3627291/1/51_Things_Emmett_Cullen_Is_Not_Allowed_To_Do_2**_

This is numbers 35, 36, and 37 (If you dont know what they are, I will write out the exact quotes of what they are at the end of the fic)

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_And so it begins…Another boring day at Forks High. _

_Or so I thought._

"Emmett why are you so giddy…?" I asked.

"Oh, Nothing just getting ready for class…" Emmett sighed.

"Um... okay then." I said as we continued to walk down the hall.

We walked into our 4th hour class. Spanish. We took our seats just as the bell rang and the teacher walked in.

Fifteen minutes or so into the lesson, waves of confusion hit me like a tsunami. I look around to see five pairs of eyes looking my way, the teacher oblivious to no one paying attention to her lesson. All of a sudden I heard it, a whimper. I look over to the seat next to me only to see Emmett… asleep?

_No…it isn't possible...Is it? No of course it isn't. Emmett's bored. He's radiating amusement. He must want to make a scene when Senora Garcia sees him not paying attention due to his 'sleeping' during her lesson_

"Mmm…Jasper" Emmett moaned.

_OH MY GOD_

I heard a slight chuckle knowing that no human ears would ever have heard it. It was him. What the hell is he doing…

"oh ..uh… yeah. Baby."

"Emmett…?" I said as I clenched my jaw and fist hoping that no one has heard him.

Too late. The snickering commenced. All the students around us are looking now, listening. I could feel the mix of emotions rolling off of them like a slap in the face.

Confusion. Disgust. Annoyance. Amusement. Giddiness. Lust. _Wait. What the fuck..?_

Emmett began to get louder, and started moving around, tossing his hands a bit and drooling on the table.

"Jasper.. please I need you. More. …ugh don't tease me.. please! I want all of you!"

_I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe this is happening. WHY ME?! I'm going to kill him…I can't believe this is happening_

"Oooh… OH… YES. OOH JASPER! YES!"

And then that was it. Senora Garcia turned around, with confusion seeping from her every pore.

"EMMETT! Wake up!"

Emmett jumps up faking a rude awakening, as if startled clutching his chest.

"Omg.. Senora Garcia you scared me. What's wrong?" he said as he turned to wink at me.

After a loud gasp from the teacher and flood of bewilderment and realization, she finally spoke.

"Emmett, Do you need to go see someone… Ms. Lucas maybe?"

Everyone in class burst in to laughter. Ms. Lucas is the school guidance counselor, degree in psychology.

"No Ma'am." Emmett replied with a sheepish grin and then looking back at me.

I couldn't believe this was happening.. I slid down in my seat with my hands over my face. I swear if I were still human I'd be a much deeper red than Bella has ever been. Yes, I Jasper Whitlock Cullen would _die _of embarrassment.

The rest of the hour Emmett sat at his desk with the biggest grin on his face, radiating of accomplishment. _He was proud?_

"Emmett…." I began, under my breath so no human ears may hear of course, "….you will _never _get away with this."

In the same tone he responded "Oh.. But I already have dear brother."

And with that, an evil grin appeared on my face as I slowly turned to him. "We'll see about that."

His expression went from big grin to a shocked wince. He grew two shades paler.

_HAH! Cowering already._

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Haha. I hope you guys liked this. I just couldn't stop laughing I just kept picturing Jasper so embarrassed and Emmett having a sexy, fake but passionate orgasm to him during class and I just had to write this.

Should I change my rating from T to M? haha.. I don't know..

_Anyways_. Here are the quotes:

35. Pretend to fall asleep in class...

36. And then pretend to be having a wet dream in which Jasper is the star...

37. Especially when Jasper is sitting in the desk next to his.

If anyone has any requests or ideas of for some of these send me a message and I'll see what I can come up with!

Thank you for the reviews and adding me to your favorites! ^.^

**I will be shortly coming up with my own original Twilight fic. So be on the look out the next 2 weeks or so =D**


	3. Emmett Sings

**Sorry it took me so long to post an update. **

**I was working on the first 7 Chapters of my new fic "Another Chance" **

**Please go read it AND review it! (I barely get any reviews anymore *pouts* )**

**I think you guys will like this one very much though!**

**Today's numbers are:**

**# 14 from 51 Things Emmett Must Remember (Or Else)**

**#'s 19, 20 – 22, & 47 from 51** **Things Emmett Cullen is Not Allowed To Do**

**Enjoy!**

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Jasper growled.

I looked in my rear view mirror.

He was glaring at Emmett in the passenger seat.

_Edward, why the hell did we bring Emmett hunting with us again? He's so damn excited to go up to Canada for grizzlies. His giddiness is making me sick!_

"Emmett, will you please try to keep your excitement down. You're annoying the hell out of Jasper." I said.

"Oh, what… is 'Jasper's Feminine Problem' getting to him again?" he boomed.

Jasper quickly punched him across the neck for his comment.

_Asshole. _Jasper thought.

"Ow! What the hell was that for? It's true!"

Jasper punched him again.

I laughed.

_Har. Not funny Edward._

Jasper thought, right before I felt a wave of dizziness.

Losing a bit of concentration because of it, my Volvo swerved into oncoming traffic, but I was able to swerve back right before we hit another car.

"_That _was not funny." I said glaring at Jasper through the rear view mirror.

He chuckled.

_**10 Minutes Later**_

"_If I was a rich girl, na na na na na na na na na na na. Oooooh! I'd have all the money in the world! If I was a wealthy giiiiiiiiiiiiiirl."_

I growled.

He stopped, but not for long.

"_A few times I've been around that track.  
So it's not just goin' to happen like that.  
Because I ain't no hollaback girl.  
I ain't no hollaback girl!"_

"Emmett!" Both Jasper and I growled.

"What, I like Gwen Steffani."

I shook my head.

_**A Half Hour Later**_

"Ugh, are we there yet?"

"No Emmett. For the last time, we're not there yet. Stop asking. You'll know when we get there." I yelled.

"Fine." He said.

_Oh man, I can't wait until we get there. Gonna get me some grizzles! Hm... I wonder what Rosie's doing? Probably walking around in some hot little lace number waiting for me…_

"_I'm a slaaaaaaaaaaaaaave for u.  
can't hold it, I cannot control it…  
I'm a slaaaaaaaaaaaaaave 4 u  
I can't deny it, I'm not trying to hide it, Baby." _

He sang all while still imagining Rosalie in a lace baby doll dancing for him.

"Emmett stop it! And please stop thinking that! I don't want to know what my sister looks like naked..."

He turned to glare at me.

"You ruin all my fun."

"Whatever, stop singing! Or else."

_Or else?_

"Or else."

"Hmph."

_**Five Minutes Later**_

It was quiet. _Too _quiet.

_**Five More Minutes Later**_

_Ninety-nine bottles of grizzly blood on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of blood!  
Take one down, Pass it around! Ninety-eight bottles of blood on the wall!  
Ninety-eight bottles of grizzly blood on the wall, ninety-eight bottles of blood!  
Take one down, Pass it around! Ninety-seven bottles of blood on the wall!_

I just _had_ to jinx it didn't I?

I pinched the bridge of my nose to calm myself.

"Emmett. Singing in your mind is the same thing as singing out loud. I can still hear both. I told you to stop it!"

"Oh well."

_Ninety-seven bottles of grizzly blood on the wall, ninety-seven bottles of blood!  
Take on down, pass it around! Ninety-six bottles of blood on the wall!  
Ninety-six bottles of grizzly blood on the wall, ninety-six bottles of bloo-_

I stopped the car suddenly and reached over to the handle of the passenger car door.

I opened it and kicked Emmett's ass, literally, out of the car.

"HEY! Don't leave me here!"

I sped off.

"Well played bro." Jasper smiled and I grinned.

_**2 Miles Down The Road From Emmett**_

Finally rid of Emmett.

Damn idiot, good riddance.

All of a sudden I felt a buzzing in my pocket and heard a high pitched girl's voice.

"_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation"_

"What the hell…" I said completely pissed off now.

I took my phone out of my pocket.

Emmett.

"How do you like your new ringtone, bro?"

"EMMETT!" I yelled right before I hung up the phone.

I immediately turned the car and drifted to the opposite lane.

"I SWEAR, I'm going to run his ass over!"

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**Hope this chapter was worth the wait!**

**Please review!**

***cough* Don't forget the check out 'Another Chance' while you're at it! *cough***

**Here are the quotes for each number:**

**51 Things Emmett Must Remember (Or Else) -  
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14_. _Refer to Jasper's empathy as "_Jasper's Feminine Problem_"

**51 Things Emmett Cullen is Not Allowed To Do -  
**

19. Sing any songs generally associated with Gwen Stefani…

20. ...or Britney Spears

21. Sing "Ninety-nine bottles of grizzly blood on the wall..."

22. Furthermore, he's not allowed to sing. Period.

47. Change any of his male family member's ringtone to "Barbie Girl"


	4. Bellasitting

**Sorry it took so long to update this one...  
**

**I got caught up in 'Another Chance' again. **

**But to make up for it, I wrote a really long one this time! **

**Hope you like it!**

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"Oh come on Edward, I'll be fine." Bella said rolling her eyes.

"Bella, I'd feel a lot better knowing you're safe, if someone was here with you while I went hunting. Now, sleep." Edward said as he kissed Bella on the top of her head.

"Ok, fine." She said with a yawn.

He hummed her lullaby until she fell asleep. He then slipped out of her room and ran home.

"Alice, will you stay with Bella while we all go hunting?"

"Uh, sorry Edward but I really need to hunt." She said stifling a giggle.

Edward stared at her intently looking into her thoughts.

"Jeeze, Edward. Stop trying to mind rape me!" Alice said placing her hands on her hips.

As she walked away Edward growled. Everyone else had already left hunting and there were only two others left that could stay with Bella. One hated her so that was out of the question. And the other…

Edward closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose and whispered. "Emmett…"

"What's up, bro?" Emmett appeared on the bottom of the steps.

"I know I'm going to regret this, but can you stay with Bella tomorrow while we're out hunting?"

"Hell yeah! I love hanging out with that cute, clumsy, little meal on legs." He said with a huge grin.

Edward growled and glared at Emmett.

"Damn Edward, I was only kidding. No need to bite my head off." He said with his hands in the air. "Seriously though, Bella's awesome. She'll be fine, I promise." Emmett winked at Edward.

Edward shook his head while thinking _Maybe I shouldn't go hunting, Can I trust him? This is definitely not going to end well…_

He sighed and left for his room. "Emmett, if she gets hurt you better leave the country."

Emmett laughed and ran for Bella's house.

He sat in her rocking chair and waited there until morning when she woke up.

Bella stirred reaching over the bed to look for Edward and wrap her arms around him.

"Mmm…I love you." She said with her eyes still closed leaning in to kiss him.

"I love you too, Bells. But Edward would kill me if you kissed me." Emmett laughed loudly.

Bella snapped her eyes open and pulled away from him quickly, startled. She fell back almost hitting her head on her dresser.

"Hey, be careful. I've only been taking care of you for 1 minute and you're already falling over!" he smiled.

She blushed and turned away.

"AND I'm already making you blush. Emmett: 2 Bella: 0"

Bella laughed. "So, I take it you were the only one left at the house when Edward went back home? I bet he's happy about this."

"Har. Har. Yes, I was." Emmett said while picking Bella up off the bed and placing her on her feet. "But he knows I won't let anyone hurt you. I mean, if I let you get hurt or killed, then I won't have any more human little sisters to make fun of or blush." He said feigning sadness.

Bella stuck her tongue out at him and picked up a few clothes.

"So, what do you want to do once I get out of the shower?"

Emmett raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Emmett!" she said laughing.

"Oh, I don't know. We'll figure something out when you finish your shower. Now go have your human moment."

Bella walked out and went to her bathroom.

Emmett sat on her bed growing impatient and bored as hell waiting for Bella.

"God, I'm so bored. It's already been 40 minutes and she's still in there!" he said while letting himself fall on her bed. The floor shook a little bit and something fell off of her dresser. He quickly got up to see what it was and hoped he didn't break any of Bella's things.

He looked behind it and found a small box.

"Well this should be interesting."

5 minutes later Bella finishes her shower and goes into her room. "So Emmett, have you thought about what we should… Emmett?"

She looked around her empty room. "Where the hell did he go?"

She walked down the stairs and looked in the living room and then the kitchen. He wasn't there. She decided to make herself some breakfast and sit in the living room to watch some TV.

Two hours passed and Emmett was still no where to be found.

"Where the hell is he? I thought he was supposed to stay with me until Edward got back."

She got up and started making her way back up the stairs. "Oh shit, what if something bad happened and he had to leave suddenly." She ran up the rest of the steps almost tripping every other step.

She ran to her dresser, picks up her phone, and hits 2 on her speed dial.

"Bella?"

"Edward! Is everything ok?!" she asked almost in tears.

"Of course, everything's fine. Is everything ok _there_?" Edward asked concerned.

"Um, I guess."

"What do you mean you 'guess'?"

"Well, I don't know. Emmett was here when I woke up, then I went to go get a shower, and when I got out of the shower he was gone. It's been almost two hours now…"

"Ugh, I'm going to kill him. He was supposed to stay with you the whole time."

"I'm sure there has to be a good reason for him disappearing, Edward. Don't kill him just yet." Bella frowned.

"Are you ok though, Bella?" Edward asked.

Just then her closet door swung open and Emmett jumped out with two tampons stuffed in his nose and his arms were raised over his head in claws as if he was a grizzly bear. He growled as he jumped out.

"AAAH!!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Bella's heart rate was through the roof. She was completely taken by surprise and was scared.

She screamed dropping her phone, as Emmett picked her up, threw her over his shoulder, and ran down the stairs with her.

"Bella? BELLA! Are you ok?! Bella! I'm on my way…" Edward revved his engine and took off towards Bella's house.

Emmett was running around the living room for a few minutes.

"Emmett! Put me down!" Bella screamed.

Just then Charlie walked in through the front door coming home from his long overnight shift at the station.

"What in gods name are you doing? Put my daughter down!" he yelled.

Emmett immediately stopped and put her down turning around to face him.

"What the hell…" Charlie said taking in his appearance. "Are you insane? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Emmett laughed and it echoed through out the room.

Bella crossed her arms and glared at Emmett.

A few seconds later, a car screeched to a stop in front of the house and Edward frantically swung the door open running, at human pace, towards Bella wrapping his arms around her.

"Oh god, Bella are you ok? You scared the hell out of me, love." He said as he placed a kiss on the top of her head. He held her face in his hands to look her in the eyes.

"Everything's fine Edward." Emmett boomed plopping himself on the couch. Edward snapped his head looking in the direction of Emmett.

"Emmett, what the hell is that in your nose?!" Edward hissed.

Emmett laughed again, hysterically.

"Emmett decided to nearly give me a heart attack by hiding in my closet and jumping out of it with my tampons stuffed in his nose." Then she whispered to Edward under her breath "and he growled at me!" she said with a frown.

Emmett quickly stopped laughing and stared wide eye at Edward. _Oh shit, maybe I shouldn't have growled at her…_

Edward closed his eyes trying to compose himself to keep in a growl and his anger.

"Emmett, I think you should leave. And don't come back if you're going to act like a child!" Charlie said sternly to him as he stomped away into the kitchen.

"Run." Edward said under his breath as he cradled Bella and whisked her off to her room.

Emmett ran back home as fast as he could to get his phone and call the airport to buy two tickets for Europe.

"EMMETT! Why the hell do you have tampons stuffed in your nose?!" Rosalie hissed at her husband as he walked through the door.

"Rosie, I think we should go to Europe for a few weeks…."

Rosalie just growled at him and ran upstairs. "Why do you always have to piss him off, Em!"

Alice and Jasper stood up from the couch and laughed at Emmett's appearance. He huffed and ran up the stairs pulling the tampons out of his nose.

"Rose, forget about packing. We'll buy clothes when we get there, Hurry!" he pleaded.

"I told you it would be worth it if we came back early from hunting." Alice whispered in Jasper's ear.

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**Lots of reviews motivate me to update sooner! -winks-**

**51 Things Emmett Must Remember (Or Else)**

**2.** _He is not to refer to Bella as 'that cute, clumsy, little meal on legs'_

**37.** _Bella does not think it's funny when he stuffs her tampons in his nose and jumps out_ _at her from where he was hiding in her closet_

**38.** _Neither does her father_

**39.** _Or Edward_


	5. This is WAR

**I'm soooooooooo sorry for the delay in updates for this!  
**

**I've been so distracted!**

**Please forgive me? **

***pouts***

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"…and then Bo and Hope went to the hospital to find them so they could save Stephanie! But what they didn't know was that Owen was somewhere else in the hospital and had Stephanie at gunpoint. He was planning on leaving the country with her so they could be together… Oh and, OMG Bella you would never guess what happened with Stefano and Nicole yesterday they–"

"FOR GOD SAKES EMMETT! If you don't stop talking about what happened on Days of Our Lives yesterday I'm going to have Edward rip out your tongue – and burn it."

"But – I thought you liked Days of Our Lives…I was just making casual conversation." I pouted and quivered my lips at her.

"I do. But I did see that episode, Emmett. As I recall, you watched it with me! So, you don't need to retell it. My human memory isn't _that_ bad." She sighed in defeat. "Why don't we talk about something else instead?"

I smiled when I thought back to yesterday. I was bursting with excitement when she told me she watched Days too!

"Nah, I'm bored. Let's do something, I hate just sitting around. Hmph, you know…you're no fun anymore. Usually when I Bella-sit, it isn't this boring. What should we do?" I asked hopeful.

She sighed again and then looked around the room, lost in thought I guess.

Suddenly she cocked her head to the side.

A wide grin spread across her face when she turned to look at me.

I smirked; my clumsy little human had a wicked idea, I could tell.

"What's the plan?" I asked bouncing up and down excitedly on the couch.

"Do you happen to have any paint lying around?" she asked with a smirk.

I quickly pulled her over my shoulder and ran us to the garage. I flipped on the light and walked over to the far corner.

"How's this?" I asked. I pointed to the stacks of left over paint Esme had from our recent repainting of the house.

"They're perfect." She bit her lip, trying to hold back a laugh. She turned to me and rubbed her hands mischievously. "So here's the plan…"

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"Edward's going to flip!" I boomed as I brushed on the last remainder of pink paint.

I threw the now empty paint can in the pile behind us, along with the other blue, purple, green, yellow, and orange paint cans.

"Oh…I think he'll do more than that…" Bella muttered under her breath.

I turned so I could ask her what she meant but I stopped when I heard pounding footsteps speed towards us. I caught Edward's scent in the wind.

I walked over to Bella and grinned as I placed my hands on her shoulders to wait for Edward and see his reaction.

Bella and I had painted the Volvo to look like some tie-dye straight out of the 70's hippy car.

I was quite proud of our work.

If Edward didn't want it anymore because of the new paint job, I would _so_ take it off his hands. It looked awesome!

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY CAR, EMMETT?!" Edward screamed just as he came into view through the trees.

I tried desperately to hold back my giggles.

He ran out towards us but stopped dead in his tracks and fell to his knees in front of his car.

"No….why…why…" he placed his hand on the passenger door. He wiped his hand along the steel door. He pulled it away and clenched his now pink and purple paint stain pale hand.

I could barely contain my laughs now.

Bella stiffened beneath my hands.

Edward looked down at Bella and his eyes widened as he noticed paint smears all over her clothes as well.

"Bella?" He whispered, unbelieving. His brows furrowed and then he looked back up to me.

I continued to laugh as my mind kept replaying over and over again of what we had done.

His eyes narrowed at me. His death glare did nothing but make my sides hurt from more laughter that came.

No doubt he was digging through my thoughts, watching to see what happened.

_Jeeze, stop mind-raping me, Eddie! It's creepy._

He growled.

"Oh Edward!" Bella cried ripping away out of my grip to throw herself at him. Edward held her in his arms as she buried her head in to his chest. "It was horrible! You have no idea what he put me through!"

"Huh?" I asked confused.

What the hell was she talking about?

Bella turned from his embrace to glare at me.

What the hell did I do?

I cocked my head to the side, completely confused.

"He _made _me help him mess up your car!" She sobbed. "He said if I didn't help him, he would shave all of my hair off the next time I fell asleep. Oh Edward, I was so afraid."

Oh no she didn't.

"WHAT?!" I yelled. "It was _her_ idea to begin with. I just followed along!"

Edward picked her up bridal style and then glared at me.

Before he turned to leave he whispered too low for Bella to hear, "_You better run, Emmett. As soon as she calms down, I _will _find you. You better hope she convinces me not to kill you._"

I gulped loudly.

Shit.

As he walked into the house I could have sworn I saw Bella look over his shoulder with a smirk on her face.

I didn't waste any time to think of that now. The first moment I got I bolted off through the woods.

I knew Edward well enough to know he wouldn't take this lightly.

I would only stop to hunt.

I didn't stop running until I felt safe and reached a small village in Canada.

Maybe I should stay away from the house a couple of days, until he cools down.

I still can't believe Bella threw me under the bus like that though!

_She_ was the one who thought up of the plan in the first place!

Why would my little sis do that to me?

A buzzing sound suddenly rang in my ears.

I looked to the right and then to the left, but didn't see anything.

What the hell is that?

A second later the buzzing came again only this time I felt something vibrate in my pocket.

Oh right, my phone!

I pulled it out and looked at the screen.

I had a text message.

Oooo I hope it's another naughty picture from Rosalie…

Oh…It's just Bella.

I clicked the OK button to reveal her message.

_That was for scaring the shit out of me last month. STAY AWAY FROM MY TAMPONS!_

Why that little…

Hmph, two can play this game.

I quickly typed out a reply and hit send.

_You don't know who you're messing with, sister dear. This is_ WAR.

The reply was almost instant.

_Bring it. =)_

I grinned.

This'll be fun.

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**Soooo how'd you like it? ^-^**

**I hope you guys aren't too miffed about me not updating this fic in so long. I was completely hooked on writing my other fics that I completely neglected this one. **

**I took a break though to give you guys a new episode of my dearest Emmy Bear. **

**I'll try to update this soon, though!  
**

**I have an idea for another chapter, but I'm not completely sure how I'll be writing it just yet…**

**OH! And follow me on twitter! I'll be posting up sneak peek quotes and updates for all my fics, and I'll keep you posted on how far along I am between chapters! –Maybe you'll learn a few things about me too. =P**

**http://www**** . twitter . com/JanJiz **

**Follow!**

**Here are the numbers for the chapter:**

34. No one wants to hear about what happened on Days of Our Lives yesterday.

17. Paint Edward's Volvo tie-dye...

18. ...and then say it was Bella's idea.


	6. Emmett Seeks Help

**So I wrote this late night, but Fanfiction was being a bitch and wouldn't let me upload it. So I had to find away around it. =D**

**This early update is to make up for not updating in so long. I might have another chapter out before the week is over too! ^-^**

**Enjoy!**

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"Hey Jazz, I need some help for revenge on Bella. Got any ideas?" Emmett asked sitting next to Jasper on the couch.

"Why are you asking me for help?" Jasper asked skeptically.

"Cause you're the ex-war general. You're good at plotting against people, right?" Emmett asked with a grin.

Jasper glared at his brother.

"Speaking of which…why should _I _help _you_ after you stole my confederate uniform last July? You had offered to buy me a _union_ uniform after that too." He ended in disgust.

"I didn't steal it!" Emmett looked away and crossed his arms. "I just…borrowed it." He muttered.

"_AHA!_ So you did take it! You said then that you had no idea what I was talking about! Give it back, NOW!" he yelled.

Emmett held up his hands in surrender.

"Jeeze, ok. I'll go get it. Take a chill pill, Jazz - it's just some old uniform."

"Some uniform? SOME UNIFORM?!" he seethed.

Emmett took that as his cue to run out of the room and go upstairs to retrieve the uniform out of the linen closet. He grinned as he took it out of the box he had it in and rushed back downstairs.

"Here ya go, Bro." He handed it back to him and Jasper's jaw dropped. His shocked expression quickly turned to pure anger.

He let out waves of fear to crash onto Emmett.

Emmett immediately coiled backwards away from Jasper and pressed himself into a ball in the corner.

Jasper swiftly ran up to Emmett and towered over him.

"FIX IT! Fix it now or I swear you will never be able to have sex with Rosalie ever again!" He shoved the uniform into Emmett's hands and stormed off out the back door.

Emmett lifted the shirt to eye level and laughed as the fear started to wear off.

The shirt had beads, sequins and Girl Scout patches all over it.

Emmett had glued them on last month after finding the patches and sequins in a book bag that a Girl Scout just _happened_ to forget on the door step as she ran away crying from the house.

He rolled his eyes at Jasper's temper tantrum. He couldn't fathom why Jasper cared so much for it. It was just some stupid old uniform…And it looked much better this way.

He stood up from his corner and walked upstairs to his room.

Emmett threw himself onto his bed, nearly breaking the wood frame as he bounced up to his side.

Rosalie was kneeling in front of their TV with her mouth gaped open.

"What ya watching, Rosie?"

She slowly turned her head towards him. Her wide eyes glared holes into Emmett's face.

Emmett winced and slightly jumped back. Rosalie had just reminded him of that creepy girl from the exorcist.

"Don't you dare,_ Rosie _me!" She growled. She stood up and pointed at the TV with the DVD remote in her hand. "What the hell is _that_?"

Emmett turned to the screen. Rosalie had turned up the volume and Emmett's voice came from the TV.

_"OH Rosie, that feels so goooood."_

_Emmett's hand came into view on the screen. He was holding up a pink stuffed Elephant. In his other hand there was a purple stuffed monkey._

_"Mhmm…Emmy Bear…I'm…I'm – " His girly mimicked voice trailed off into a moan._

_He was thrusting the two stuffed animals on top of one another. _

_He must have done it with a little too much force. Some of the stuffing was now falling out of the monkey._

"So _that_ is why Mrs. Snugglepuff is sewn back up! I thought you said that Edward had ripped her open to piss me off!"

"Babe, I can explain…" He started.

Rosalie placed her hands on her hips to wait for his explanation.

"Well you see… I was just…I did it for you." He smiled sheepishly.

She furrowed her brows in confusion.

Rosalie straightened up and clenched her jaw. "And how exactly was that for _me_?" She asked.

"I know how much you love your stuffed animals…I just thought that maybe since you also love those _other_ movies we have. That combining both things you love would make you happy. So…I did it for _you_, Babe. It was going to be a surprise." He looked up to catch her reaction. "Surprise!"

Rosalie let her hands fall to her side and then sighed.

"Just…don't do it again, alright? At least not with my permission…" she walked over to the dresser where her stuffed animal collection sat. She picked up the purple monkey and pet its head. "Mrs. Snugglepuff is sensitive. You can't do it unless you have permission."

"Ok." Emmett grinned and kissed her before he walked out of the room to leave her alone with her toys.

He was completely surprised she actually believed him about the film.

Really he was just bored and it entertained him for a couple of minutes.

He just _happened_ to pass by Jasper and Alice's room as he headed back downstairs.

Alice was twirling in front of her full length mirror trying on some new clothes that came for her earlier today from Paris.

"What can I help you with, Emm?" she asked still twirling around in her black dress.

"I was wondering if you could look and see what I will plan for my revenge on Bella…" He smiled innocently.

Alice stopped twirling to turn to him and cross her arms.

"I'm not getting in the middle of this feud between the two of you. Besides…" She turned around to grab a few accessories to put on and looked at herself in the mirror again. Her eyes found Emmett's in the mirror. "Bella's my best friend. If anything, I'm on her side."

Emmett pouted and Alice rolled her eyes.

"Can you hand me those shoes over there?" She asked him.

Emmett picked up her black stilettos from her bed and walked over towards her.

He held the shoes over her head just out of her reach and laughed loudly.

She glared at him and jabbed him in the stomach.

The shoes fell from his grasp and she caught them.

Emmett's laugh only grew louder.

She had turned slightly to look at herself from the side.

A moment later he started for the door, shaking his head.

"Emm, does this make me look fat?" she asked.

Emmett smirked.

Alice shrieked and charged at him, punching him square in the jaw.

Emmett stood back and rubbed at his jaw, cracking it back into place.

"Damn it, Alice!"

"Well you shouldn't have called me fat." She poked her tongue out at him and crossed her arms over her chest.

"First of all, I didn't say it, just thought about it. Second of all, if you don't want the truth, then don't ask!" He laughed.

Alice narrowed her eyes and shouted, "OUT!"

She pushed him out of her room and threw the door closed.

Emmett laughed all the way back downstairs.

When the laughter died down he sighed.

Why didn't anyone want to help him plot his revenge against Bella?

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**And Here are the quotes: (In the fic I changed #43 and #23 a little bit)**

42. He should not steal Jasper's Confederate uniform

43. Then claim he lost it, and offer to buy him a Union uniform

44. And then return Jasper's uniform months later, after adding beads, sequins and Girl Scout patches to it

33. Steal Rosalie's stuffed animals and make X-rated movies with them

23. Hold Alice's favorite pair of shoes over her head so she has to jump for them

5. The only proper response to Alice's question of "Does this make me look fat?" is 'No.'


	7. Sex With Emmett

**As promised: Here's another chapter!**

**LOL, like my title choice? =D  
**

**(So does this make up for the 3 month wait on new chapters?) ^-^**

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I couldn't wait!

I was bouncing up and down in my seat.

Fifth period was going much too slow today.

Lunch couldn't come any sooner!

I had a vision of Emmett's latest prank on Edward and I couldn't wait to see it first hand.

I blocked my thoughts by singing Britney Spears in my mind to make sure Edward wouldn't see the vision. He hated her music so I knew he wouldn't listen to it.

I walked through the lunch line and got my apple and a bottle of lemonade. I walked out to our table and took my usual seat in between Jasper and Edward.

Bella was at Edward's right side and Rosalie then Emmett.

Edward furrowed his brows as I sat down and started to play with my food.

_All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek, Amy._

"Really now?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

_It's a great song._

"Right…" he muttered.

I shrugged and kept on singing.

I kept looking at my watch. When the hell was he going to do it?

"When is _who_ doing _what_?" Edward narrowed his eyes at me. "What are you hiding from me?"

_Oh Baby Baby if you seek Amy tonight…_

_Oh Baby Baby we'll do whatever you like…_

Edward groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What's wrong Edward?" Bella whispered.

Edward turned to her. "Nothing, love. Alice is just trying to annoy the hell out of me with singing Britney Spears again."

Bella grinned. _"Hate me. Love me. Say what you want about me…"_

"Oh god…not you too." Edward buried his head in his hands.

Bella giggled and rubbed his back.

"Dude…I totally had sex with Jess last night. It was awesome!" Mike whispered excitedly.

And that was my cue.

Bella's eyes met mine and I winked at her pointing to Emmett.

Emmett had leaned his head discreetly to the right to listen in on Mike's conversation.

"Damn, finally! She was holding out for ever. Not like Lauren though. She puts out almost every night." Tyler bragged.

The boys at their table all laughed causing some heads to turn.

They quieted their laughter and Eric leaned in closer.

"There's only one girl here I'd like to have crazy wild sex with…" Eric whispered.

Edward's head immediately snapped up and turned to glare daggers at the teenage boy's back.

"…and that's Bella." Eric finished.

The other boys at the table all nodded in agreement.

I could barely contain my giggles as Emmett stood up and walked over to their table.

Edward looked at me concerned. He must have worried that Emmett might hurt one of them to _protect_ Bella.

I smiled at him.

_Just listen._

"Hey guys!" Emmett boomed.

Mike, Eric, and Tyler all jumped in their seats startled at Emmett's sudden appearance.

"So I just happened to be walking by and heard your little…_conversation._"

Eric's eyes widened in horror as he took in Emmett's large size towering over him, leaning over casually with his palms on their table.

"I…I…I'm s so sor –" Eric started.

Emmett cut him off.

"I've had plenty of wild crazy sex with Bella and let me tell you she is DAMN good." He grinned.

I had to hold a hand over my mouth to stop the giggles from escaping.

Edward was gripping on to the table trying to control his anger. I kept having errant visions of him running at vampire speed to knock Emmett into a wall. I quickly slapped his hand to make him let go of it.

_Watch it, Eddie. _

He growled too low for human ears. I rolled my eyes and looked back towards Emmett.

"Holy shit…are you serious?" Mike asked with wide curious eyes.

"Hell yeah man. That's not all though…"

The boys leaned closer to hear what Emmett had to say. I bet they're thinking he's going to say something about Rosalie or…

"I also had crazy sex with…Edward's piano."

The boys at the table looked like someone had hit them over their head with a tennis racket.

"Do you mean you've had crazy sex _on_ Edward's piano?" Mike asked confused.

"Nah, I had crazy sex _with_ his piano. Oh and his car too." Emmett grinned.

They all backed away and straightened themselves out in their seats. They looked at each other oddly and confused.

Emmett's grin widened.

"Oh…my god." Edward gasped.

"The best crazy sex I've ever had though…" Emmett leaned in towards their table even more, as if to tell them a secret he didn't want anyone else to hear. Though, he purposely said it loud enough so everyone _did _hear him. "…was with Edward himself."

The entire cafeteria went silent.

I heard some forks fall down in shock and an inconspicuous cough coming from one of the lunch ladies.

I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I let out the loudest laugh I could manage.

I had to hold on to Jasper for support. He himself was shaking in laughter.

Bella who had been oblivious to what Emmett had first said, _had_ in fact heard the last remark and was trying to hold back her own giggles.

Emmett smiled innocently and turned to walk back to our table.

Mike, Tyler, and Eric all stood up at the same time, held hands to their stomachs and ran out of the cafeteria.

When Emmett sat back down he wrapped his arm around Rosalie and winked seductively at Edward.

Rosalie discreetly jabbed Emmett in the ribs, but she wasn't that angry. She was laughing at Edward's expense too.

A slur of curses came from Edward too low for Bella to hear. Emmett rolled his eyes.

The cafeteria started to huddle together and gossip about what had just happened.

"Oh shit…do you think they really had sex?"

"I always knew Cullen swung that way…"

"Dude…is he having sex with Rosalie too? Holy shit. Bella, Edward, AND Rosalie! He's is GOD!"

Edward groaned.

I could only imagine the thoughts everyone must be having right now…

"Oh come on Edward, it was only a joke." Bella said with a smile.

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"He said he had sex with you too!" Edward hissed.

Bella jumped up from her seat and glared at Emmett. "YOU WHAT?!"

And so goes another round of laughter from me.

Emmett's laughter boomed throughout the now silent-again room.

Bella blushed violently and slowly sat down in her chair again.

She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands.

"You're gonna pay for that…" she mumbled.

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**Lol…I really like this one…**

**Please review!**

**-Jan**


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